The Heart of Connection: How Intentional Communication Builds Stronger Relationships
- Nicha Stenberg-Johnson
- Jul 14
- 2 min read
When we think about relationship struggles, we often imagine blowout arguments or moments of betrayal. But in reality, the most common cause of emotional disconnection is far quieter—it’s the small, missed opportunities to connect.
At Empowered Perspectives Counseling, we often help individuals and couples recognize that connection is built (or broken) in the everyday moments. And one of the most powerful tools we have to strengthen connection is something we use all the time: communication.
What Is “Intentional Communication”?
Intentional communication means we speak, listen, and respond with presence and purpose. It’s more than just words—it’s tuning in to the emotional need behind the message. It requires slowing down, staying curious, and choosing connection over defensiveness.
In couples therapy, we often talk about “bids for connection.” These bids are the small ways we reach out to each other every day—a shared glance, a comment about your day, a subtle invitation to be seen or supported. How we respond to those bids makes all the difference.
Gottman research shows that relationships thrive when partners turn toward each other’s bids, even in small ways. A quick “tell me more” or a simple acknowledgment like “that sounds frustrating” can nurture trust and intimacy.
Common Blocks to Healthy Communication
Even with the best intentions, communication can easily get derailed. Some common barriers include:
Assumptions or mind-reading (“I already know what they’re going to say”)
Defensiveness instead of openness
Distracted listening (half-listening while scrolling or multitasking)
Emotional flooding that shuts down the ability to hear or respond with care
If you recognize these patterns in yourself or your relationships, you're not alone. These are common human responses—and they can be unlearned.
Practicing Connection, One Conversation at a Time
Improving communication doesn’t mean you have to get it perfect. It means making small shifts, like:
Pausing before reacting
Asking clarifying questions instead of assuming
Making eye contact and putting down your phone
Validating your partner’s emotions, even if you see things differently
These small practices send a powerful message: “I see you. I care about what you’re feeling. I want to understand you.”
Over time, that message becomes the foundation of a relationship built on mutual respect, safety, and emotional closeness.
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